Monday, August 4, 2008

Suwerte ka!

Monday, August 4, 2008
when a cup overfloweth
Time and again I've encountered people of whom I've promised to be the topic of my posts. Well here is one.
I've come from my hospital duty tired from lack of sleep. The tour of duty was not that different from most of my duties... I was told to work faster and probably threatened by way of brusque manner which brought me to choking back my tears. In truth, I cried. It's my only release besides photography of my frustrations. Of those who are not familiar with the medical field, there is this ladder you are to climb ( I suppose in all fields there is) and you start beneath the food chain. In terms of responsibilities and work, if your senior says "jump", you don't have to ask "how high", just jump. But that is what I am used to, today we encounter medical students (clerks/interns) who are not used to work, so imagine the students asking us to do jobs that they are supposed to do. Imagine being at the bottom of the food chain being pushed further down, maybe to nothingness...
In any way, me being myself just took it all in. Cried a little. Wiped my tears and faced my patients red-eyed. In more ways than one, I try to convince myself that everything I go through are for my improvement. For whatever it is, I am yet to know. Thankfully my patients were kind enough not to ask, one even tried to boost my mood after witnessing my near to breakdown event. I am glad that I am reminded that what I am doing is not entirely wrong, that there are people who do appreciate what I do. Looking back my duty is not entirely tiring when it came to work, just from the lack of sleep.
That's not my story. Just a prelude to let you know how much I appreciate what happened to me on my way home. After my duty, I had to stay at the hospital to complete my other responsibilities (census). It was past 9 that I left the hospital, and wrestled with wanting to stay for another 30 minutes to watch "Cinderella" (the japanese version), yet another one of my de-tox activities. But the lack of sleep won me over so I went on my way home. I have this thing for walking, I love walking. My day won't be complete without it. On my daily route, I pass by Chowking, to which I usually buy my breakfast/lunch/dinner. Entering the fastfood chain, I was glad there were not much customers, meaning I would be leaving with my food, fast. Waiting for my food, I notice another customer who ordered after me, asking the cashier of their other branches preferably near Araneta avenue. I took no interest in that but I was intrigued in how hyper she is versus my dwindling energy at that time. She seats by me and tells me the story of the new BPI freebie system. She tells me of how purchasing at least a thousand pesos with BPI credit card system, you are able to avail free meals at Chowking. She was so thrilled in that she will be able to give whatever freebie she take to her grandchildren and to her other relatives. It was a refreshing conversation as I rarely do have any other conversation with strangers unless they are patients I tend to. She told me of so many things but one thing struck me most is that she was happy that whatever she could take from this she would be able to give to others. And there I was fighting of my sleep when she told me "Alam mo, swerte ka." (You know, you're lucky/in luck). "Po?" was my only answer to that. She told me not to leave for she would be giving me one of the meals she was able to avail. Despite my protests, she was persistent, I finally relented to her when she told me that I shouldn't refuse whatever gift that was being given to me. With repeated "thank you's", we parted ways. I didn't ask for her name. I wanted her to be one of my angels. She didn't realize a far greater gift she gave me. A memory, a reminder I could keep for my lifetime. As for the meal... I hope that it filled an empty stomach.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Envy

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


"Why would you feel sorry for someone who gets to opt out of the inane, courteous formalities, which are utterly meaningless, insincere and therefore degrading? This kid doesn’t have to pretend to be interested in your back pain or your excretions or your grandma’s itchy place. Can you imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties? I don’t pity this kid, I envy him.” 
Dr. Gregory House

In an article featured today in Inquirer, written by Amaris Grace M. Cabason, I too envy people who really gets to not care of minute things. I too have a cousin who is autistic, sadly though, by society's demands, his special needs wasn't met because the probability of him having autism was simply shunned. I cannot blame my relatives though. Eventually through sheer societal pressure they inadvertently met his needs later on when they added extra time for him to learn. REading the article today made me realize that they get to go through life not caring of what other people say about them, but who's to say that they don't experience feelings. Maybe they do, but not in the same degree as "normal" people do. 

Everyday at work, people get to shout for whatever reason they have... People from all walks of life get to do that... and as a doctor I do get to thank people who are patient enough to wait for their turn and it comes from unexpected people... one worth mentioning is a son of a well-known attorney who came in in acute pain, yet waited for his turn to be cared for while I attended to another patient. He didn't ask for a "special treatment" just because he is the son of so and so. Apologizing for the delay he said he understood. I go back to these memories time and again in my futile attempt to remind myself that there is good in everyone. But most of the time I guess I would wish to get to be "someone who gets to opt out of the inane, courteous formalities". It is a such a relief not to think of those...

Sunday, August 19, 2007

what comes next?

Sunday, August 19, 2007
Passing the boards could not bring you the joy that you would see in your parents or relatives' faces. You are happy, yes, but you could be happier. Hearing or reading your name among those who passed could only bring you a sigh of relief of "it's all over". It's the "load" being a little lighter, now you could employ yourself and find a not-so-well-paying job. And there's the "if only" everyone you knew have passed, you could feel a lot better.
But then the rewards you have now is all yours, and yours only to enjoy. Only you know the hardships you have to go through, only you could give meaning to what you have now. There's the "sigh" and "a little lighter load" but having that compared to nothing at all spells the difference. Take what you have, and enjoy it.
What comes next is only yours do make... Decide. There's the nursing stint, the USMLE, the Australia or Canada, or what residency to take, should I take what I really like or what they think is best. Or what do you really like? Or should you consider residency at this time? It's only yours and yours to decide. Because after all, its you life. But right now, enjoy every bit of perk you get with passing the boards. Congratulations.
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